Premature ejaculation, or ejaculating before you or your wife want you to, is a common problem that strikes most men at some point in their lives.
Several factors can influence when ejaculation occurs, but it can be controlled with some forethought or, in extreme cases, with medical intervention. Here are some strategies to help you get over premature ejaculation and improve your sexual stamina.
Sometimes we do not have any medical condition, this just happens. For quick fixes I suggest you just wear a condom or two together at the same time as the case may require. It sounds too simple to be true, but it works for a lot of men.
The most natural is to apply strategic pressure; with a little anatomy knowledge you can delay an oncoming ejaculation by applying pressure to one of two spots.
First is pressing on the perineum. This is a spot midway between your scrotum and your anus, and firm pressure will help to stop ejaculation because this spot reaches through to the prostate gland. It is the prostate that contracts and expands during orgasm and then expels the ejaculation fluid.
If you find it difficult to do just make sure you are very clean down there and thereafter ask your wife to assist in applying this loving pressure for you.
The testes tug: When a man is so close to orgasm, his scrotum rises up closer to his body. You can delay ejaculation by gently pulling your testes down and away from your body. To make it more romantic and passionate, train your wife to do this for you.
Another natural way is to do all you can to reduce anxiety. For many husbands an extreme eagerness to impress their wives, coupled with anxiety and pressure to perform, has been a major contributor to premature ejaculation.
Relax and remember that your wife probably cares about you and all you represent in her life more than the timing of your orgasms, and that premature ejaculation doesn’t mean you can’t still be good in bed.
Don’t start off sex with orgasm in focus; take climaxing out of your expectations. Instead of viewing intercourse only as a means of achieving orgasm, reframe it as a relaxing, pleasurable time with your wife and a time of bonding that you can enjoy regardless of ejaculation.
For effectiveness take time out and discuss this new mindset with your wife, so she can stop pressuring you, intentionally or un-intentionally. Then while in the very act of sex do all you can to think non-sexual thoughts. If you notice yourself getting too excited, turn your thoughts to something distant, abstract and unsexy, such as math, rush hour traffic or a football match.
Only dwell on it long enough to give yourself a short break from arousal, maybe five to 10 seconds, and then refocus your attention on your wife and the action of sex. Avoid thinking of a topic that is going to make you stressed or cause you to lose your arousal entirely. Thoughts such as the payment of the children’s school fees, Nigeria’s erratic electricity supply or some mood-killer thoughts.
Now, proceed further and try edging. Edging, or orgasm control, is the practice of maintaining a high level of sexual arousal while delaying ejaculation. It takes practice, but it gets easier over time.
Here are two methods recommended to stop premature ejaculation. Stop-and-start method: Have intercourse as usual until you feel yourself coming uncomfortably close to orgasm. Immediately and abruptly cease all stimulation for 30 seconds, and then start again. Repeat this pattern until you’re ready to ejaculate.
Squeeze method: Have intercourse as usual until you feel like orgasm is seconds away. Abruptly stop other stimulation and gently muscle is strong enough, you should be able to hold it off just like stopping flow when urinating. Practice controlling your orgasm. When you are with your wife, focus on improving your control over your climax. Stimulate yourself to the edge of climax and then stop.
Do this several times before finishing. As you practice, learn to recognize the feeling of getting close to orgasm, and take note of how close you can get and still effectively stop, and when you’ve reached a “point of no return.” During intercourse, use that knowledge to slow down or adjust your movements if you get too close too early.
Condoms reduce stimulation for most men, which should prolong the time before ejaculation. But while looking for a condom to buy steer clear of condoms that are marketed as extra thin, instead get a brand that allows more stimulation later.
Some condoms are coated with a slight numbing gel on the inside. This can help you put off ejaculation for longer without causing numbness to your wife. (Just make sure you know which side is where when you put it on).
Use an analgesic cream or spray. There are two classes of these products. The first is the traditional “numbing” creams and sprays that have been on the market for some time. The advantage is that you’ll feel less sensation, which will delay ejaculation. While the disadvantage is that your wife may suffer a loss of sensation as well and of course less sensitive intercourse is not always an appealing notion, even in these circumstances.
There is a new class of topical herbs that absorb into the skin to deliver a mild anaesthetic to the sensory nerves below the top layer of skin of the penis. This allows men to have ejaculatory control but with less loss of sexual sensation, and reduces the transference to their wives.
If you routinely ejaculate less than a minute and a half after beginning vaginal intercourse, and none of the above fixes have worked, it might be time to see a sex therapist.
QUESTION ONE
Whenever I am naked in the presence of my husband I feel I am not sexually attractive to him anymore. He does not stare or move towards me as he used to when we were newly married. Then, whenever I am naked he wanted sex, but now I wonder what goes on in his mind when we make love. Is he tolerating my sagged breast and protruded tummy with stretch marks, or is he really making love to me because he has to or what? I don’t enjoy sex when this goes on in my mind and because of this I cover up my nakedness.
When it comes to body image and confidence, ladies tend to be their own worst enemies as regards their flaws. You may find it difficult to believe but a good number of husbands are not really thinking about those stretch marks, sagged breast or those extra pounds. Men are much less observant of our perceived flaws than we think. In fact, “they wouldn’t notice a C-section scar or stretch mark if we didn’t bring them up. Men are turned on by the confidence we display during sex, so instead of worrying over nothing why not flaunt the parts you’re proud of? The minute you take off your clothes, your husband is concentrating on one thing: you (and maybe what he wants to do to you.) In general, men can think about only one thing at a time, so when you’re naked, he’s not worrying about any other thing but the business of sex. Because men are visual creatures I will suggest you disrobe as often as you can. Once you disrobe, there may be something unexpected on your man’s mind; not being able to see your body takes away from his pleasure. Seeing all of each other nakedness is an important part of the sexual experience. If you’re not comfortable under bright lights, I suggest dimming them or lighting a few candles so there’s some visibility. Many wives often complain that their husbands don’t think of them enough. If you’re concerned about this, maybe you should get naked! You’ll definitely be on his mind then.
QUESTION TWO
I work in the banking sector and hardly have time for my husband. Sex is almost a forgotten thing in our home. We hardly talk about it and I sense that my husband may be satisfying himself through other means. I know if anything happens I am to be blamed and before then I want to make things right. If I can’t make love every day, what are the best times to have sex?
Timing is important and crucial when it comes to sex. The top time is when you and your husband are likely out of the office. When you have no work pressures and are spending many hours with your mate, it’s easier to have luxurious, unhurried sex that lasts and lasts, a slow build-up is key. Flirt with your husband in the morning by whispering in his ear and then make lots of eye contact with him during meals. As you would likely notice, men often wake up with erections so instead of making him wait all day, set your alarm for 20 minutes earlier on a work day and have a quickie first thing in the morning. You might enjoy it more, too. As women age, they tend to get more tired at night, so evening sex may be less desirable. You have more energy for morning sex. One of the best times you’re most likely to experience a mind-bending orgasm is actually the day before you get your period. This is when blood accumulation makes your uterus heavy, and contractions are more perceptible during orgasm, and your labial and clitoral tissue tends to be more sensitive when you retain fluids. Even if you’re feeling grouchy and uncomfortable, give sex a consideration at such times you will be glad you did. Besides, making love while you’re on your period can actually reduce uncomfortable cramps. It may be because an orgasm causes uterine contractions which ease pain and your body releases the hormone oxytocin and the neurotransmitter dopamine, which make you feel happy and relaxed. Plan an unforgettable evening out: being outdoors means you’ve already left your comfort zone, so you may be more likely to think outside the box.
