Last week we started an extensive thought-provoking discussion: we started enumerating what actually goes on in the minds of partners shortly after sex.
Many partners in relationships are eager to travel down memory lane with their loved ones immediately after sex. This is based on the quest to know whether their partners professed love and commitment is actually a reality or a mirage.
Dating partners or intending couples are not left out either. As a matter of fact, the quest to know what is in the after thoughts of their partner’s mind matters to them. The urge to know what the guy/girl is thinking shortly after sex has been a searchlight to the significance of such relationship. It has helped lots of ‘about to be married’ partners make decisions about the relationship they are involved in. It has even helped prevent and avert a potentially doomed marriage.
When a guy is only interested in a sexual intimacy and not a committed relationship, one cardinal signal is his thought shortly after sex – especially in a one night stand situation. Once he is done with all of ‘that’ the next thing he does is stare at the ceiling with thoughts raging in his mind about when the right time to say goodbye is.
Or which is the right way to stop seeing the girl or how can he get such free sexual favour over and again without been trapped. He is mostly concerned about the right time that would make her feel less bad. Sometimes, certain guys might not really want to end things if they believe the girl in question is willing to freely give sexual favours; they play along till they are ready to change sex partners.
At this crucial time it important for the girl to cunningly and shrewdly ask in a very funny way what the guy is actually thinking about. When he is caught unaware with such questions his reaction, facial expression, body movement and verbal expression or remark will definitely give him away.
However, some guys are so smart and could outwit the girl and pretend they are in a relationship for real. Close observation is needed here. So, it is important for the lady to watch out for some unconscious remarks, jokes, expression, movement and telephone conversations.
Some other guys who are indecisive may be ready for commitment and marriage may be wondering what step they should be taking next? Should he be calling her up to ask for another date? Should he be making conversations with her on a daily basis? Should he make his intention of commitment to her known? Can sex be the true measure of her commitment? How should he behave with her now that they have had quenched their physical thirst?
At this stage a girl in love should try and start a sincere soul searching conversation with him so as to be able to measure the level of his commitment. Many times girls make the mistake of thinking that sexual relationship prior to marital commitment makes the relationship solid. I do not think so because there may be nothing left to the imagination any more.
Sexual encounters between the married seal the bond of intimacy more than imagined, but such encounters between singles ‘intending to get married’ sours the union. Some relate tales of endangered health, betrayed trust. Sex is never a good measure of commitment in a relationship. Rather than help reveal the true love that should exist between dating lovers, it most times mars their sense of judgment.
Sex is a means to an end and not an end itself. So it must be handled with every atom of carefulness; it must never be put up as bait for a good relationship.
The primary test of commitment is to look out for real love because everyone wants to loved and be loved. Even in a marriage relationship great sex life between husband and wife does not connote or mean a great marriage, but rather an established loving companionship.
While dating as singles don’t jump the process and make sex a yardstick for a good relationship. It is better not to be involved than be in one where sex is only the activity of the day. Singles who are dating must be convinced that the relationship is by choice and not by force.
Any partner that forcefully demands sex and tenders such as condition for commitment is an abusive partner. Dating relationship is about friendship and not just sexual passion. When a partner in a relationship does not see reason for complete commitment he or she is not expected to be in that relationship.
Marriage is not for girls and boys because they always want opportunity without responsibilities. And when talking about responsibilities age is irrelevant when it comes to maturity, because growing up is not the same thing as growing old and mature.
There is more at stake in a relationship than just two people trying to meet one another sexual needs all the time. It is far more complex than that. Your mature look at things and ability to withheld immediate gratification is what qualifies you for such. So when next time as a single in a dating relationship you’re trying to imagine the thoughts of your partner, first ask yourself if the relationship is worth the sexual sacrifices or not.
I love to conclude by asking if you are worried about your sexual health. If you are experiencing a diminished libido, or mid-life sexual crisis, loss of erection, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or weak erection, or you can’t last long in sex as desired, or you are experiencing problem with sperm cells, you are not far from total freedom. Just email or give me a call.
QUESTION ONE
My wife gave birth to a set of twins five years ago after which she developed these horrifying varicose veins that get enlarged year in year out. The moment I look at her legs and arms I get irritated and nauseated. It so repulsive I have tried to make her wear stockings and the likes yet the sight of it does not make me ask her for sex. It appears as if earthworms are crawling all over her. We have tried all we can and she’s afraid of surgery. Are there natural ways to handle this?
Running away from her will make things worse. You need to know that healthy veins carry blood to the heart through a series of one-way valves. These valves allow blood to flow in the right direction from superficial veins to deeper veins and to the heart. The vessels are surrounded by muscles which contract and help pump blood to the heart. Normally the veins have a one-way valve to prevent backflow. However, defective valves allow blood to flow backward and pool inside the vein. As blood pools within the vein, pressure builds and the vessel wall weakens. As a result, the vein tends to bulge and twist. Depending on the size of the blood vessel and extent of swelling, the result is a varicose vein. They can be spider like or larger blood vessels that have become swollen and twisted. This problem is common in people with jobs that keep them on their feet, such as nurses and teachers. Sometimes it may be due to aging, obesity, pregnancy, trauma, or surgery to the leg and some other times it may be hereditary; mostly women are more victims than men.
Varicose veins could actually be an eyesore and also painful for the victim, but there are natural remedies, beside using support stockings that help improve circulation and relieve pain and discomfort in the legs. Losing weight and walking regularly can ease the symptoms. Eating a low-salt diet to reduce water retention is very important. Whenever possible, propping up the legs with a pillow or recliner, so they rest at or above the level of the heart reduce the effect totally.
Getting plenty of exercise is one of the best ways to keep weight under control and leg muscles toned, so blood will flow freely. Stretching your leg muscles often improves circulation and whenever she is pregnant again remind her to sleep on her left side rather than her back.
QUESTION TWO
I am always having toilet disease which always makes me have pain during sex, especially when am aroused. It is so painful and because of the frequent re-occurrences I do not use public toilet whatsoever – even outside the country. Still I must use some medications for this condition every week. What can I do?
Sometimes all you need to do is understand your vulva make up and how to naturally care for it. Vulva is the name applied to the female external genitals as a whole. As a woman becomes aroused the entire vulva becomes engorged with blood, resulting in swelling and darkening of the external genitals. The result of this swelling is much like a water bed, touching any place causes ripples of sensation throughout the whole area. But when it painful due to toilet disease you may lose sensitivity. So try and desist from using anti-bacterial soaps or body washes in that area. This is because anti-bacterial soaps can kill the good bacteria in that part of the body and can open you up to infections. Washing with warm water alone is enough. If you must wash with soap, then use very mild soap and make sure you rinse very thoroughly to get rid of any traces of soap. Avoid douching. This is the process of forcing water or other liquid into the vaginal cavity to flush away vaginal discharge. This actually causes more harm than good and so should be avoided. After using the toilet, always wipe from front to back, never from back to front. This is so you don’t introduce harmful bacteria from the anus to the vulva area. If you play around with food or drinks in that area during sex, you might want to stop. This is because sugar found in these foods or drinks can cause irritations down there so avoid such. Then always wear panties with cotton lining to allow vulva breath and prevent dampness. This means you have to pay more attention to the type of panties you buy. Make sure its cotton.
QUESTION THREE
Can virgins catch STDs?
Yes, they can. Many STDs spread through any type of sexual activity, including skin-to-skin contact and oral sex. This is especially true of STDs that produce genital lesions or sores.
QUESTION FOUR
I was recently sent packing when my husband discovered that it was my breast pictures I sent to his Blackberry smart phone. It’s embarrassing for me to tell his family that he sent me out of the home for this reason. Do you have a way out for me?
Calm down, there is always a way out. I think you should do all you can to get his forgiveness; plead, beg and send people you think he holds in high esteem to him to reason with him. Make sure you do not defend yourself for any reason, just plead guilty. I am sure it’s a matter of time before he calls you back after he has cooled off. Sometimes in the bid to do something sexy and crazy we may go overboard. That is we should think twice before applying some of the sexual tricks we read or hear about before applying it in our marriage bed. It’s nice to act and look sexy. It’s nice to be proactive and innovative, but first and foremost you must understudy your partner, spouse or mate closely before applying some of these sexual tricks because it’s different strokes for different folks. We should never forget that the beliefs and cultural background of your spouse could affect their sexuality.
